Dare To Dwell

 

What do women fear about before moving in with their partners? Be it male or female…?

I can only speak on my behalf, but once again, given that I am a Mediocre person I might have more in common with the general populace than I give myself credit.

As I have mentioned before, I have a delightful long-term relationship, that has sadly for the majority, been long distance.
However, this time of living apart is coming to a close, and I am excitedly awaiting the day where my partner and I shack up. There will be lots to adjust to, what with living in close proximity for… well ideally for forever.
Yet, it isn’t just the adjustment period that has me a little unnerved for this part of my life.

So, believe it or not, I am making another list blog. Because I enjoy lists. They are fun. They help me feel like I’m organized (Notice I used the term FEEL).

Here it is. The list of fears I feel are generic to females that I have come across.

1. Why Buy The Cow?

Most women admit that there is a hint of this fear about moving in with their partner; That old adage of: Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?
Some people who move in together don’t want to get married, and so this is irrelevant. Then there are others who are confident that their partner will make them an ‘honourable’ man or woman, and put a ring on it.

I fall into that second category there, but at the same time I also know that occasionally when things are going well, and partners get comfy, the question of: Why change what works? Can come into play.

One of my pet peeves is the thinking: Well we live like a married couple anyway, so why bother?

Why bother? Because unless stated otherwise, you have been told that this is what your partner wants, and what they find important. Don’t weigh it as less important because you got comfy. Sh*t or get off the pot. Either you want to be with them until you’re cold and dead, or you don’t. If you don’t, you are dragging out a very long and painful separation, and wasting everyone’s time.

2. Crazy Hot Scale

If anyone else fell in love with the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, you are familiar with the Crazy Hot Scale. It is socially acceptable to be a certain level of crazy as long as your looks balance you out. This theory is extremely shallow, without a doubt. The truth I am taking from it however, is removing the factor of looks: When do your positive qualities stop outweighing your crazy?

I make a mean pasta with Alfredo sauce from scratch, and add mushrooms and spinach…
But I pick my fingernails off.

I have a coffee and tea corner in my home….
But I will turn my car around, and go a different route to my destination if a black cat crosses my path.

I give great shoulder rubs…
But I talk to myself when I’m alone and make myself cry sometimes (I can be a real b*tch).

Living with someone everyday, and having them around you all the time… they are going to see ALL the crazy and less hot stuff.
That scale might just break.
It’s scary to think about someone seeing the amount of crazy you have, and then rejecting it. Saying that all of the good and bad that makes you you, isn’t someone that they want after all.

3. Maid Or Mother

I’m not going to say this is a fear of one gender only, because I’m sure some men have this as well regarding their girlfriends or boyfriends.

The fear that you will become more a maid, or mother, or both to your significant other.

I know that I have on many occasions, found myself nagging my guy to do things. Like give the sock fairy a break, or to help more around the house. So it comes as no surprise, that I fear this will become a permanent role, despite knowing that this kind of behaviour can be detrimental to the relationship on an attraction level. No one wants to be living with their mom into their adulthood.

…Although my mom is a great cook, gives good hugs, and is resolute that I am not a Mediocre person. Bless her heart.

 

4. Alone Space Time Continuum

I have written in one of my previous posts how independent this relationship has succeeded in making me. This has been an absolute joy, hardship, and empowerment to myself, but it has only fuelled my introversion.

I don’t know about you other introverts and your partners, but mine is an extrovert, and sometimes it makes me crazy.

He is fine to always have people around him, whereas after one evening surrounded by other individuals, I’m set up for another long stint of alone time. I like the quiet, and I like having my space be mine.

I remember with far more fondness than I probably should, the day I had worked a 9 hour waitressing shift without a break in utter chaos. When I arrived at my significant others, found a group of his buddies hanging around drinking and enjoying rambunctious times.

My man’s mother did a poor job of hiding her glee at the time when she saw my facial expression. I feel like having a bunch of rowdy boys in her home for the week had not been a purely enjoyable situation, but not having to be the one to let down the hammer was more than she could have hoped for.

The fond feelings of this memory come from what happened after I confronted my partner on his social antics when he knew I was exhausted, and it was his last night in town.
I had to drive all of his friends home, and they all knew well enough to politely and quietly (except for one), say thank you and wish us well. Only one of them got  confused why he appeared to no longer be lying on a couch. And why was he moving at 60 clicks an hour?

Once we returned back to my partner’s home, I had to move my car, so when I entered the house I got a clip of the conversation between my guy and his mother.

You aren’t supposed to be laughing when I am in seriously deep shit!” The scene of  his mother laughing and him sweating bullets… I couldn’t hold a straight face.

So though he and I managed to communicate our differences on that day… the idea of coming home to a house full of people causes me to have an involuntary eye twitch.

5. To Do, Or Not To Do

The last of the fears, is that we will sink into levels of comfort so deep that we will not be able to be pried from the house. We will stop going out and doing things! Stop having fun little adventures. I worry of falling into an autopilot routine, which I am sure will happen to an extent, but I don’t want to go a month without going to see a concert, or a museum, or bowling…

Then again, I’m fine with not bowling.

 

So how rational these fears are depends on the couple. I myself know that tiny bits of reality will occur with these. I know that at some point or another, odds are, one of us will be annoyed with the others habits, or how much they do or do not help around the house. All of that stuff though? That’s normal.

Something to keep in mind; is if one of these you feel is 100% a guarantee, you both might have some serious conversions to get on top of. If you want to spend your life with them, but know that once you move in  that they won’t propose, or that they will dislike all of your habits…? I encourage a very calm, open discussion about what you both want.

These are some of the absolute basic non-specific fears I have come across. I have my own really specific ones of course, but after discussing with a few of my friends who already live together and or are married, these are the fears they shared with me, and some did become a reality.

In reality, I’m sure my guy and I will be fine, but any unknown change can dredge up fear. It’s a risk many people take, but it is a risk with high rewards.

 

Remember fellow Mediocre, you are definitely not alone!living-together-test-300x200

 

 

 

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